An Help Meet for Him

I received this link in an e-mail and thought it was funny and informative. I don’t know much about the speaker otherwise.

If you are not familiar with YouTube please be aware that the videos are apparently uncensored so please be careful of any other links on the page.

 I have not had the privilege of seeing this movie yet, but I don’t think I’m stepping out on a limb to recommend it. I am encouraged that there are some decent filmmakers out there (from the makers of Facing the Giants). This is one movie you and your spouse should not miss.

This is a follow-up article to When A Wife Disagrees With Her Husband. I thought about this whole issue a little more and also talked with my husband about it. While I do agree that there are times to keep quiet and to just pray, my husband and I see the article as good in its place but not as a blanket statement in all situations. (Just to clarify, Teri did not state that it was a blanket statement in all situations, and my goal is not to discredit her article but simply to clarify our opinions.) We do not believe that marriage is a dictatorship wherein the woman has no say. I think the key factors to a wife voicing her opinion are the timing, attitude, and general atmosphere of the marriage.

First of all, what is the atmosphere or climate of your marriage? Is there usually tension in the air and frequent yelling and arguments? If so, trying to present your idea, point of view, or concerns probably is not going to get very far and would most likely result in another fight. If you are in that kind of marriage you both probably need a good counselor to get to the root issues. The fact that your husband allows your child to watch something inappropriate on television is the least of your worries. If, however, the climate of your marriage is okay and not on the verge of exploding and there is not underlying bitterness in both of you, then I would consider voicing your concerns.Another factor in the wife sharing her point of view or concerns is her attitude towards her husband. If you go to anyone, friend or foe, to present your idea or concerns, they are not going to accept it or even consider it if you come with a pious, manipulative, or haughty attitude. How should you present your point of view? I believe you should have your case well thought out. This means you have cooled off about the whole thing, prayed about it, and given thought to alternative, creative solutions. When you walk in there to give your presentation you should be prepared to stay calm no matter how he reacts and willing to accept a no without getting upset or lashing back at him.

The time to discuss an issue on which you and your husband disagree is probably not the minute he walks in the door from work. Give him a break and a chance to unwind. You might find it best to actually schedule a time to talk about it, especially if it is something very important. You might also consider emailing it or writing it in letter form, if that would be more comfortable for both of you. Some of the benefits of this option are so that you can both carefully word your thoughts, you can say your whole train of thought without being interrupted, and it allows your spouse time to think about it before he has to respond. If you haven’t read the series on A Man and His Cave this would be a good time to read this short, three-part series. Another very important factor in timing your discussion is to avoid discussing it in front of the children, especially if it concerns them and they are young, unless it could be used as a learning tool for the children, but not at the husband’s expense.

When and if you have presented your case to your husband and he has given his final answer and it happens to not be what you wanted, this is the perfect time to keep quiet and pray hard (if you are convinced you are right in the situation). Nagging doesn’t work and men hate it. It’s as annoying as a child whining for candy. Chances are your husband might appreciate you acting like a responsible, capable adult who is disciplined enough to present her case well. Give him time to think about it and leave the subject alone in the meantime. This is where meekness, quietness, and humbleness come in as is presented in the article by Teri Maxwell.

“Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” (Ephesians 5:21)

Teri Maxwell has written a series called When a Wife Disagrees with Her Husband. You can find it in the Mom’s Corner at Titus2.com or follow the links below. I encourage you to read each part in this series. She is writing, as a sister in Christ, as I do, and not as a counselor. This series is not addressing wives in abusive situations. Do get help immediately if you are in that situation. The series is, however, very helpful for wives whose husbands are unbelievers.

As a personal note, my husband and I have such open communication lines and a policy of openness and honesty that I probably speak too much. I have a hard time keeping anything from him and when something comes up on which we disagree, I probably don’t pray as much as I should concerning the situation. This series was a good reminder to me.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

*Edited to say: Please notice the follow-up article to this that I have written clarifying my (and my husband’s) opinion concerning this article, after more thought.

You’ve had quite a bit of silence from me lately, so with that in mind I’ll give you a quote from Phyllis Adler:

“Silence is one of the most important and sexy things a couple can offer each other, when it means listening carefully, trying to understand the other person’s real feelings and the true meaning of what is being said. Too often, words are used to dominate, to give one person the immediate satisfaction of hurting the other, or to employ the myriad of ploys and recriminiations that sidestep caring and sharing.”

My husband is doing a lot better now. Thank you for praying. I plan to dive into another book soon, so look for quotes from The Christ-Centered Marriage by Neil T. Anderson and Charles Mylander, or join me in reading it.

Within the next couple of months I plan to put this site on a different server but I will probably keep the same domain name. It could possibly, however, affect the links to previously written articles. I will keep you informed. We plan to take a furlough, spending several months in America, which might affect the frequency of my writing.

Whatever happens concerning this site, I do hope and pray that we, as wives, will continue to better ourselves, improve our self-images, and find and fulfill the purpose for which we were created. In doing these things to help ourselves we will become better wives (and better in each of our roles in life).

Hello ladies, I have a personal prayer request. My husband, Josh, appears to have dengue fever. He’ll probably be okay but it usually causes depression, so I’ll be facing a real challenge in making him smile now! Please pray that he won’t get dehydrated, too depressed, and please pray that I’ll have wisdom and strength in caring for him. For more updates, read our blog of our life in Papua.

Could all marriage problems be solved if we just treated our spouse like our enemy? Perhaps if we just learned to be a better Christian we would improve our marriages. I hope your interest is sparked and ready to read Ten Things I Think I Think About Marriage and Marriage Counseling and Pastoral Marriage Counseling: What If?. Enjoy!

I am not familiar with the authors of the above-mentioned blogs but do appreciate what they wrote in these particular posts. 

JOYFULNESS

Take the time to tickle your husband’s feet, read the comics together, or reminisce about a silly incident you experienced together. Lighten up and laugh together!

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22)

Did you know that laughter is good for your health? Sometimes we are too serious and seriously too busy. There is nothing like a good laugh-until-you-cry, especially with your husband. Although impromptu incidents are funniest, do your best to make sure you get some laughter in at least once a day. You’re never too old for a pillow fight or a good tickle! My husband and I laugh at our cat and the funny things she does. We read online comics once a day together. Tickling sessions and hide-and-scare are also frequent at our house. What about you?

What kind of things make you laugh together?

Husbands seem to cringe at being nagged. Who wants to be nagged anyway? How do you get him to take action, though? I came across an interesting question to ask your husband when you are accused of nagging him (in this article): “Ask him to define what he means by ‘nag’ and how you could communicate your concerns to him in ways that won’t come across as nagging but will lead to action.”

Another helpful article on how to change nagging into helpful requests that get results is Asking Your Man for Help.

Looking for a date idea that won’t cost you any money?
Last week I thought I would start reading some classic English literature to keep up my vocabulary in my mother tongue. I’ve been studying new words and reading a lot in the Indonesian language lately and I often stumble in English because my mind has been so preoccupied with Indonesian. I picked up Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen from the library. (No, I have never read it!) Last Sunday, I started reading it aloud in an English accent, partly playing around, thinking my husband wouldn’t be interested in it. However, we’ve been reading at least one chapter each night before bed. Now we’re halfway finished with the book. (I wouldn’t recommend the book for any spiritual guidance or encouragement.)

Yesterday was the day for our date and we decided to read more of the book and cuddle. We had just taken showers and my feet felt like sandpaper so I was going to put some lotion on them, but Josh grabbed the lotion and gave me a wonderful foot massage while I read the first chapter. Then, Josh came up with the idea of whoever reads gets to receive a massage. We simply switched off reading and massaging with each chapter. It turned out to be a very nice, relaxing time. Nothing compares to a good massage!

Perhaps if one of you really enjoys reading and the other doesn’t, getting a massage at the same time might make it seem worthwhile.